And The Winner is
by Lady LifeCharm
Summary: The Academy Awards like you've never seen them before, with people you never expected to be there. LOTR, POTC, Wizard of Oz, and HP fans should definitly read
1. Arrivals on The Red Carpet

Hey guys! This is my fourth fanfic (whoohoo!) I hope you enjoy it! Even if you don't....that's okay! 'Cuz this fanfic was soooo incredibly fun to write! I'm hoping it's funny..but as I've said before, when it comes to my own work, I'm a terrible judge. First, the boring old disclaimer. (It's a long one.)  
  
DISCLAIMER: I OWN NOTHING TO DO WITH: The Academy Awards, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, X-Men, The Wizard of Oz. SAVVY???? I AM MAKING NO MONEY OFF OF ANY OF THIS!  
  
(Okay....maybe not so long!)  
  
Also, I'd like to dedicate this fanfic to Tamaki, Tyler-Rose, and Shauna. A lot of my inspiration comes from inside my deeply twisted head, but many of the details in this story (this chapter, and other chapters) have come from these three.  
  
Shauna: The whole collection of characters idea.....You know where that came from  
  
Tyler-Rose: Some ideas that will appear in chapter 2 were inspired by you  
  
Tamaki: Alas, a big piece about JOE BOXERS was cut out of this chapter...but I'll find away to fit it in another chapter.  
  
Also, I cannot forget Bella. My dog. I know, it's sad. But my little Lulu IsaBellaDonnaSarah Jean Dumarco is a great source of laughter and an even greater source of stupidity.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Hundreds of people could be seen swarming down a walkway. Upon closer inspection, it wasn't just a crowd of people walking, but some of the most famous celebrities strolling down a red carpet.  
  
"Welcome, everyone, to the 76th annual Academy Awards!" Wolverine boomed over the microphone.  
  
He continued, "Ladies and gents, witches and wizards, elves and hobbits, kings and queens, join us tonight for a spectacular evening! I'll be your host tonight! Now, let's talk one-on-one with some of the stars!"  
  
He walked a couple paces ahead on the red carpet, and then bent down.  
  
"Dobby! Nice to see you, bub." Dobby was wearing what looked to be a magenta-colored towel draped around him. On his left foot was a bright orange sock, covered with dark green and gold polka dots. A rainbow-striped sock could be seen on his other foot. On his head was a bright pair of tighty-whities.  
  
"So, Dobby, are you excited about tonight?" Wolverine asked with raised eyebrows as he looked at Dobby.  
  
"Oh yes, Dobby is very very very excited!"  
  
"And you've decided to come solo?"  
  
"Dobby brings a friend! A friend!" Dobby said as he jumped up and down. With that, Gollum sulked from around the corner to where Dobby was standing.  
  
"My prieeeeeecioussssssss," he said in the most romantic way an evil-and- possessed-used-to-be-hobbit could, as he wrapped his arms around Dobby.  
  
Wolverine just looked at the two in disgust.  
  
"Alrighty then...Let's move on down and see who else has arrived. Look! It's some more people from the Lord of The Rings!"  
  
Wolverine walked towards the group, when his mouth dropped open. A beautiful woman in a twinkling red dress and long blonde hair was standing a few feet away, talking to someone nearby.  
  
"Hey, Beautiful!" Wolverine shouted. The lady turned around, and there, he saw, was Legolas. Wolverine just cringed and quickly moved to the other side of the group, where there were some hobbits.  
  
"You dirty little munchkins!!" he heard Frodo cry. Frodo was standing next to Sam, and at their feet were two munchkins.  
  
Sam shouted, "HOW MANY TIMES MUST I REMIND YOU NOT TO PULL THE HAIR OFF OF OUR TOES?!?!?" And then he turned to Frodo and whispered, "You, remind me again why we agreed to baby-sit these munchkins?"  
  
"Well," Wolverine said. "Looks like they're busy. Oh! Aragorn! Could you spare a moment, I'd like to ask you a few questions."  
  
But apparently, Aragorn *couldn't* spare a moment.  
  
"And who is *that*, huh? You rip me away from my family, away from my father, away from my people, away from my lands, so answer me! Who is *that*?!?!" Arwen was screaming at the top of her lungs, pointing at Éowyn, who was standing at the other side of Aragorn.  
  
But she wasn't the only one screaming.  
  
"Oh, missy, I've heard of you! You are that tramp that gave him that necklace he wears, aren't you?" Éowyn retorted.  
  
"Oh, don't start with me you probably-----" but she was cut off by Aragorn.  
  
"Ladies, ladies, ladies. There's no need to fight. *I* am the king now. You can *both* have me!" he said cunningly, obviously pleased with his solution.  
  
But that just set the two women off even more. They both were screaming at the same time now, and not wanting to get involved into a catfight, Wolverine left the scene to interview someone else.  
  
Booming down the red carpet in a murky brown suit, Hagrid was easily spotted. Along with the ugly suit, he had on a greenish-yellow polka dot tie on, and his hair looked as if he had been electrocuted just moments before. Again, but this time in fear of being squished as Hagrid barreled down the carpet, Wolverine scurried out of the way to find someone else.  
  
"Maybe down here there will be someone willing to be interviewed," Wolverine thought to himself as he walked further down.  
  
"Oi! Potter! Come here." Harry Potter quickly shuffled over to Wolverine, followed by another witch.  
  
"Ah, maybe you wouldn't mind if I had a quick interview with you?" Wolverine asked hopefully.  
  
"Oh, it would be my pleasure. Lemme just say goodbye to my new friend Westie here," he said.  
  
"Westie?" Wolverine inquired with a puzzled look in his eyes.  
  
"Well, The Wicked Witch of the West is a bit of a mouthful, so we just call her Westie. We've been exchanging some flying tips. You know, Westie flies by *bicycle*? Who knew? We've been exchanging some tips, and she's gonna teach me soon. Good practice for Quidditch" he said with a wink. Westie continued walking down the carpet, leaving Harry and Wolverine alone to conduct the interview.  
  
"See 'ya Westie!" Harry called after her.  
  
"I'll be back for you, and your little friends, too!" she screeched back.  
  
"Now," Wolverine said with a sigh of relief. "For starters, how is your evening going so far?"  
  
"Stunning. Just stunning," Harry said with a wide grin on his face.  
  
Wolverine leaned in close to Harry. "I *must* ask the question we've all been dying to know the answer to."  
  
"Alright..."  
  
"Is Hermione hooked up with you, or Ron?"  
  
"I, uhm, yea, she is, uh, yea, we, uh, erm..."  
  
"WILL WOLVERINE PLEASE MAKE HIS WAY INSIDE," a voice squealed from the load speaker. "I REPEAT, WILL WOLVERINE PLEASE MAKE HIS WAY INSIDE. THE CEREMONIES ARE ABOUT TO START."  
  
Wolverine promised Harry he would be back to find the answer, and hastily left to prepare for the ceremonies.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~***~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
OOO! Did you like that? Pretty please R+R. Also, if you would like me to review your story, I would be happy to do so. Just leave the link in your review. Thanks a bunch!  
  
Also.....I am truly sorry if I angered some Legolas fans in this chapter. It's just so fun to bring out the worst in some characters! I mean, come on, who can resist cultivating Legolas' more feminine side? Just to clear things up...I DO NOT think Legolas or any other elves are gay. I'm just having a little fun, savvy? Haha.  
  
O yea..the same thing goes to all of those Aragorn fans out there. I'm just getting in touch with more of his evil side in this fanfic. Got it?  
  
Good, now GO REVIEW! NOW! OR I WON'T WRITE ANY MORE! HAH..ok fine, the number of reviews really doesn't effect how fast I update, but it does make me happy :-D  
  
Whoa....that was a long chapter, huh? O well, I could have gone on and on and on and on and on but I cut it before I rambled *too* much. Anyway, a second chapter should be coming soon, because I'm really enjoying writing this story!  
  
THANKS! 


	2. DUDE, where are they?

Yay! I'm sorry I didn't have this chapter up sooner. But I had this little thing called school. (And a couple days ago, some unfinished summer reading!) But you know me (wait, you don't.whoops) I had to write! I'm addicted. *starts to sing* "I heard you're doing okay, but I want you to know! I'm a dic! Im addicted to you! I can't pretend I don't care!" O ok I'll stop. Yea, so I hope you enjoy this chapter.I haven't really decided how many chapters there are going to be.lets see *thinks to self for a bit* Maybe four.hmm. Okay! Now go read! And Review, please! Purdy please?  
  
O yea.HEHE I always forget this. *Sigh* DISCLAIMER: DUDE, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING THAT HAS TO DO WITH: LORD OF THE RINGS, HARRY POTTER, WIZARD OF OZ, PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN, X-MEN, OR THE ACADEMY AWARDS, SAVVY?  
  
********************************~*~*~*~********************************  
  
Wolverine walked onto the stage. Seconds later, thousands and thousands of people---er, creatures----followed, filling up the sea of seats below him. After a few minutes, mostly everyone was settled. The lights dimmed, except for a solitary light that was now focused directly on Wolverine. He started his speech.  
  
"Once again, everyone, welcome to the 76th Annual Academy Awards. We thank you for coming tonight and hope you have a splendid time. So, without any further ado, may I call up the first presenters to announce the winner for Best Re----  
  
But he didn't finish his sentence. A grand light now flooded into the theatre as the massive doors at the back were opened. There, a man stood, slightly wobbly. He was hiccupping. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but was interrupted by a rather large hiccup. Then he made his way towards the front of the theatre to the row in which Legolas was sitting, but not before tripping numerous times and mumbling to himself about how "there was no bloody rum in this place." At last, he was standing right next to Legolas' seat.  
  
"Love, I *adore* the dress you have on. Oh, Love, and your hair!" he squealed while somehow mumbling at the same time and caressing Legolas' hair.  
  
"JACK SPARROW! WHAT DOES THEE THINK THEE IS DOING?" Legolas screamed as he stood up.  
  
" *Captain* Jack Sparrow, Love." He replied. With that, Legolas stormed out of the theatre, his long blonde hair gliding behind him.  
  
"Well *someone* obviously hasn't had enough rum," Jack again mumbled loudly.  
  
Meanwhile, Wolverine was standing on stage. With a quick sideways jolt of his head, he ended his thoughts about this rum-obsessed Jack Sparrow guy and got back to the ceremony.  
  
"Right. *As* I was saying...It is my pleasure to welcome the first two presenters that will announce the winner of the first award of the night--- Best Regular Manly Ranger Dude Turned to Very Powerful King Who Gets All Sweaty When He Sword Fights!!! Now, without any further interruptions, give a round of applause to William Turner and Elizabeth Swann." But no one came to the stage.  
  
"William? Elizabeth?" Wolverine asked in confusion. "Hello? William? Elizabeth?" he repeated. "Elizabeth? William? Where are you? Elizabeth? William? Elizabeth? Hello? Elizabeth? William? Elizab----  
  
"I found 'em!" some technical stage manager guy shouted. The audience (and the cameras) turned to where the guy was standing, somewhere off to the side of the stage. He opened a side curtain, and there was Elizabeth and Will---kissing. They continued without noticing anything for a few seconds, but then turned and stopped immediately.  
  
"Oh, uhm....right," William said. He and Liz walked to the podium at the center of the stage. Will's hair was jostled and lipstick marks could be found all over his face.  
  
"Now, the winner of the 76th Annual Academy Award for Best Regular Manly Ranger Dude Turned to Very Powerful King Who Gets All Sweaty When He Sword Fights is...." Liz said.There was a dreadfully long pause. "Uhm, Will, open the envelope," she said, sounding exasperated  
  
"Right!" And he opened the envelope. "And the winner is.....ARAGORN!!!" The crowd went wild. Aragorn had a look on his face as though he was pretending not to be surprised, as he pointed to himself and mouthed, "Me?" He walked to the podium, sashaying his hips as he walked.  
  
"Everyone, I just want to thank you so much for this wonderful award; being voted Best Regular Manly Ranger Dude Turned to Very Powerful King Who Gets All Sweaty When He Sword Fights is such a grand honor," he said, clutching the trophy Liz had just given him. "A grand honor for a grand person! Oh, excuse me, a grand, deluxe, quite handsome, perfect, *king*," he added. "I'd like to thank all the little people I stepped on to get here," he said, winking towards his two hobbit friends in the audience, Frodo and Sam." Aragorn was still talking, but two crewmembers were known dragging him off stage and the very long remainder of his speech was unheard.  
  
"Thank you, Aragorn," Wolverine said with a fake smile on his face. "Again, it is with great honor that I introduce the next person to announce the winner of the next award. Please welcome Froooooo-doooo!" he boomed. Yet again, no one was at the podium. "Oh, don't tell me he's off kissing someone," Wolverine mumbled. But then he looked down. Frodo was hidden from sight because of his size. Or rather, lack there of. Another crewmember quickly brought a step stool so that Frodo could be seen from behind the podium.  
  
"Now, the nominees for Best Person in Tights and/or Spandex are...." Frodo chirped as a drum roll sounded. Frodo said each name as they appeared on the gargantuan screen behind him. "Dazzling x-men, Dr. Jean Grey! Another x- men, Storm! Splendid Elven prince, Legolas, and finally, the beautiful maiden, Arwen!" The crowd was still cheering as Frodo opened the envelope. "And the winner for Best Person in Tights and/or Spandex is...LEGOLAS!!!!" The crowd screamed, hollered, and hooted. But Legolas has long since stormed outside of the theatre and had not been seen since. He would have to accept his award later.  
  
Wolverine came to the microphone.  
  
"Everyone, hand onto your seats, because next is the award we've all been waiting for!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~*~*~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
First, I apologize again for bringing out the worst in many characters, as I did in the first chapter. *COUGHaragornandlegolasCOUGH* I seriously can't help it, and I doubt you can blame me. Also, I am quite aware that Wolverine is not himself in this fan fiction. O well.I felt like revealing his very rare considerate side. If you've got a problem with it, tell me in your review. Speaking of reviews.  
  
Thank you to my reviewers out there!  
  
Gilly Gamgee: I'm so glad you enjoyed reading the story. I enjoyed writing it, so I *will* continue. I'll read your story, too. I've been busy, so I haven't had a chance yet, but I will!  
  
SperryDee: yay! It's good to hear that you liked this story! The catfight is amongst one of my favorite parts, too :-D  
  
readingfreak742: Thank you. I looove writing comedy. I've got some great inspirations haha. (I think you know what I mean!) YAY! As I said before on you commenting on no grammar mistakes, once again, I must say, *COUGHobsessivecompulsiveCOUGH* Haha. J/k. I'm updating soon! See?  
  
joebxrgrl15: Well it took long hours of reading between the lines, but I have come to the slight conclusion that you want Legolas. Oh, and coincidentally, Legolas was originally going to be one of the hosts. :-D don't hate me  
  
Oh, yes. Before I get sidetracked (again) thank you to the people who added me to their favorite list, joebxrgrl15 and readingfreak742!!! Thank you all sooooo much! You don't know how much I appreciate it!  
  
I've now got an ending in mind for this story. (Yay! I'm not just writing aimlessly! Whoohoo!) There should be perhaps two more chapters....yes, that's what I'm planning. I'll just have to see. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!!! 


End file.
